When you’re young, the trust you have is the trust you think you should have throughout your life. With it should come a strong and good trust in faith, but when that trust is violated it is never the same again. It’s hard for people to understand this unless it has happened to them.
This was written by an adult who was the victim of child abuse. The reason I posted this part of his article is because he is absolutely correct when he says: "The trust you have is the trust you think you should have throughout your life". He hit the nail right on the head. A child only knows what he is being taught, told, and experiencing. What a child has, is what a child believes. If a child is told, 'You're worthless', he believes it. He grows to believe he is worthless because someone told him so. If he is told he is 'Unique-Special-Loveable', he will grow to believe that about himself.
When it comes to parents, there are many things that influence our behavior and our reactions. A good parent may have a problem dealing with the daily stress. During these high stress situations, it's very easy to unleash on a child. To have a bad day might mean an even worse day for a kid because so often they get the brunt of their parents emotional state. How a parent handles a bad mood, or a bad day, may not be such a good thing. Parents have to stay in check. They have to be aware of the influence they are having over a child. Many good parents have very bad patterns. I'm sure they go to bed at night feeling sad, or guilty for something they may have said or done to their child. These are the parents who need to free themselves of any ill feelings. This is so simple. All they need is a reminder. That is if they are willing.................
I remember when I was going through my divorce. The kids were 18, 13, 10, 9, and 4. I remember being totally beside myself half the time. I was however aware of my emotional state which was very bad. I could have easily directed this at the kids because they were also acting up. Everybody was suffering, and everything was so wrong. The stress was magnificent, and there were days that I felt so helpless to change it that I didn't know what to do. One of the biggest problems in my marriage was the verbal abuse my husband displayed each and everyday, to myself and the kids. What ended up happening was, during the divorce, I found myself weakened as a result of the years of verbal assault. There were days that I would remember something he said prior, and I found myself unable to react with much strength, but more from the ideas he had impossed through criticism and his fork tongue. I wasn't sure how or why I had become so weakened. My Mom had made a comment to me one day, she asked me "how did you ever come to this point? I have never known you to be anything but rock solid". Then it hit me, it was one particular thing he said to me years back, and it stuck like a tick making me almost incapeable of being strong. Once I remembered his words, it became clear to me what was happening. I was able to rise above his words, and regain my natural disposition, but not until after realizing he had worked against me all those years to destroy me. I was somehow, without realizing it, a victim. Funny thing is, I always protected the kids from his words. In fact, I was so focused on what he was doing to them, that I failed to recognize the effect it was having on me. I believe it was my personal denial. By protecting the kids, I neglected myself and what he was really doing. I look back, and it was like a slow death. I refused however, to let him destroy my children. I warned him each and everyday that the kids trusted his words, and that he was making grave mistakes. This was an on going daily event, and as a result I am here to say, "Sticks and stones might break bones, but words can be sharper than any knife" Particularly when it comes to kids. Kids believe their parents-------------